You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
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July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
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Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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