The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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