im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
