please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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