are you so shy because you have an std?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
