nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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