we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He better not be in your backpack
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
