I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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