There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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