The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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