the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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