sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
