After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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