this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
