That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
