he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
