she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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