No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
