Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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