i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
