oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
