Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
