remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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