i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
