Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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