Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
