she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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