So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
