Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
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I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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