Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I love you.
Bad choice
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