..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
