How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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