I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
