for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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