Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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