would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
