We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
