It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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