i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
