two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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