I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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