She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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