I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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