Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
