i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
