i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
