ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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