Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
