I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
