So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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