you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
