im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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