We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
