I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
