I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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