meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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