Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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