I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize