i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
