I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
