Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
