Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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