Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
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I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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