when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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