I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I AM VODKA MAN
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
