The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
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Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
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This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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