i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
