dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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