Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Terrible idea I love it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
