Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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