You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
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i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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