Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
