puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Damn victory sex feels great
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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