Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just forgot I was standing up.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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