last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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