I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
